There were these three guys, a surd, an Italian, and a Jewish guy. They all worked together at a factory. Everyday they notice that their boss leaves work a little early. So one day they meet together and say that today when the boss leaves, they'll all leave early too. The boss left and so did they.
The Jewish guy goes home and goes to rest so he can get an early start.
The Italian guy goes home and cooks dinner.
Our Banta goes home and walks to his bedroom.... He opens the door slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss..! He shuts the door and hurries out of the house!
The next day the Italian and Jewish guys are talking and plan to go home early again. They ask Banta if he wants to leave early again and he says, "no." They ask him why not and he says, "because yesterday I almost got caught."
There's a funeral procession of a Sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if it’s a marriage baarat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach raheho?"
..... comes the reply, "Ha ji ! Hai hi baat bade khushi ki !!! Aaj paheli baar ek Sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai !!!!"
Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job . He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK.
On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE.
Again our Sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh was singing a song. After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and started singing again.
Banta Singh : Santa Singh what is the matter with you? Why are you hanging upside down?
Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.
Sardarji goes to the movies and he happens to be going for every show of the same movie for a week, when someone stops him and asks, "Kyon sardarji, itni aachi lagi kya ki roz har show ke liye aa rahe ho?"
Sardarji replies "Ek scene hai jahan ek ladki apne sare kapde utardeti hai lekin thabhi ek
saali train saamne se nikal jati hai. Saalitrain kabhi na kabhi to late aayegi heh heh!"
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks, "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?"
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
Mother of a Sardar wrote......
Pyaarey puttar, I'm writing this letter slow, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their next house, so they couldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has another job. He has 500 people under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jatinder fell in a the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We re-cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend, Balwinder is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died Your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love Mom.
P. S : I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh were out on a romantic evening.
She said to him, "Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
“Sure" replied Santa "What's your phone number?"
A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with Sardarjis.
One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only Sardar jokes!
After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'.
He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the Sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab Sardar mar gaye hai kya?"
Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at an MNC office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions.
The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy".
Santa: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong."
Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer.
And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"
BANTA SINGH: You know, I faced a tiger today!
SANTA SINGH: Oh really, what happened?
BANTA SINGH: The tiger looked into my eyes and I looked into his eyes...
SECOND FIRST: Then what happened?
BANTA SINGH: Then I moved forward...
SANTA SINGH: What!
BANTA SINGH: I had to see other animals in the zoo...
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the Jullundhur zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.
He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo.
A twenty-foot fence was put up.
Again he got out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"
Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of drunken driving. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order! Order!"
Santa responded immediately, "Thank you , your honour! I'll have a scotch and soda."
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were discussing how they would like to die.
Santa said, "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep. I don't want to die screaming like some of his friends, who also died at the same time." Banta asked, "How did his friends die screaming while your grandfather died sleeping peacefully?"
Santa Singh replied, "His friends were the passengers in the car he was driving."
A number of Indians were discussing who the most Patriotic Indian citizen was.
Some said they always saluted the National flag wherever were and hence were the most patriotic.
Others said that whenever they heard the national anthem being sung, howsoever faintly, they immediately stood at attention.
Likewise everyone was boasting about how patriotic he/she was.
A Sardarji from Punjab was keeping mum while the discussion happened. Everybody asked him why he was so quiet. Some even remarked that the Sardarji was not a true patriot and hence had nothing to say.
Hearing this the Sardarji immediately flew into a rage. "I have kept quiet till now only because I was felt like crying on hearing your foolish talk about patriotism. How does it benefit the Nation if you salute the Flag or do stand at attention on hearing the national anthem? A true patriot should be like me. 365 days, 24 hours my radio set is tuned to Pakistan Radio at full volume".
"But how is that a patriotic act?" someone asked.
The Sardarji said, "Arrey you don't understand. If nothing else we can at least harm the Pakistanis by consuming as much of their electricity as possible".
A sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Abey saale! Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"
The sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No.", replied the Managing Director.
"Good!", replied the sardarji and put down the phone!
A Sardar wanted to sell his old battered maruti car, which had done more than 100,000kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off.
The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly.
The Sardar liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car.
The Sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000kms!"
Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the Cricket life in the heaven.
Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there. "So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?"
Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night match here in heaven. And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow’s match!"
Sardarji: "Arre yaar! I lost $1000 today
Friend: "How come?" Sardarji: "I bet $500 that India would win the match against Pakistan and India lost"
Friend: "That explains $500. What about the other $500?"
Sardarji: "Well, later that evening they were showing the highlights and I bet $500 on India winning .......... again!!!!"
Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done! ............ The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"
One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.
Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , I will give it for 1500 Rs for which Sardar bargained for Rs.750.It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost.
Our Sardar asked whether he will give two.
Two Sardarjis stayed in the same building. One on the first floor and the other one on the
eight floor. Both were great enemies.
One day the sardarji on the eight floor thought to fool the one on the first floor. He invited him for dinner. When the sardarji reached the eight floor , he found his door locked and a board at his door " Kaisa bewkoof banaya ".
Sardarji felt embarrassed and to outplay him, he wrote down: "Main to yaha aya hi nahi tha"
Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again.
During their fourth descent the pilot says : "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..".
“I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it....""
A sardarji once took an answering machine to his home in Punjab and disconnected it within a couple of days because he was getting complaints from his relatives like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ki ghar pe nahin hai"
Santa Singh had his 4th child. He fills the data in the birth-certificate:
Mother: Sikh.
Father: Sikh.
Baby: Chinese.
"How come you're writing 'Chinese' when both parents are Sikh?" asks the doctor.
Santa Singh replies, "I have read in a newspaper, that every 4th person born on the earth now is Chinese."
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